A somber scene depicting a Navy plane crashing into the ocean, with a background of dark clouds and stormy seas. A sailor stands on the shore, looking distressed, with ghostly images of his friends and the plane hovering in his mind. The image should convey a sense of loss, guilt, and haunting memories, representing the emotional burden of PTSD. In the distance, the broken remains of the plane are partially submerged in the water, symbolizing the tragic event and its lasting impact.

My Friend, My PTSD

Who know that my friendship with someone would ultimately lead to my PTSD. Over the course of the first seven years of my time in the Navy my career pretty much paralleled someone who became a close friend. While stationed at our last duty station together, he was lost at…

A reflective scene of a person riding a train on a rainy day, looking out the window with a thoughtful expression. They have headphones on and are writing in a journal. The train compartment is dimly lit, with raindrops streaming down the window. In the reflection of the window, there are images of significant moments: attending a horse therapy program with a horse named Volente, working at a boatyard, and spending time with children. The person appears hopeful, with a subtle smile, representing growth and positivity. Background elements include a supportive therapist and a new job setting.

Today I am Living

Maybe it’s because it is raining outside or the particular music playing in my headphones on this train ride, or maybe it is an upcoming anniversary that looming in the distance that has me looking back in things. I could sit here and write a generally negative piece about all…

A veteran standing at the edge of a peaceful, dense forest in the Adirondack Mountains. The scene shows a sense of longing and solitude, with the person gazing into the wilderness. In the background, a serene and quiet landscape of mountains and trees is depicted. Nearby, two playful children are seen, representing the veteran's reason to stay rooted. The image should convey a sense of internal struggle and peace, with elements of nature and family. The veteran's expression should reflect a mix of contemplation and resolve, hinting at memories and the challenge of facing the future.

So now my challenge is to change the future.

Today I am fighting the urge to run away to the wilderness and avoid life all together. Life is peaceful without the interaction with other human beings. It is not uncommon for a veteran plagued with PTSD to desire a solitary life in the mountains. I think the Adirondack Mountain’s…

A person sitting alone at night, looking contemplative and anxious. The background features a small town with fireworks in the sky, a peaceful family gathering with children playing, and elements of a mini vacation like a suitcase and a serene scenic spot. The person has a storm cloud over their head, symbolizing anxiety and overthinking, while the background shows loud noises like a train horn and unexpected fireworks causing visible stress. The scene also includes scattered notes and a calendar to depict short-term memory issues. The overall atmosphere is a mix of calm surroundings with an underlying sense of tension and unease.

It really sucks some days.

Seem to have a lot on my mind tonight. Not really sure why to be honest. Had a relaxing weekend. Went away on a mini vacation to Mystic. Had a small family gathering Sunday and got to spend extra time with my boys this weekend. So why am I anxious?…

An image illustrating the internal struggle of a person dealing with PTSD. The image is divided into two distinct paths. One path is clear, logical, and bright, representing rational thoughts and progress. The other path is dark, twisted, and chaotic, symbolizing distorted reality and negative thoughts. At the center, a person stands at the crossroads, holding a pair of scissors cutting the strings attached to a shadowy puppet master in the background, representing the struggle to control PTSD. The background is a blend of calm and turbulent elements, showing the ongoing battle within the mind. There should be a mix of imagery depicting learning tools, self-improvement, and mental health awareness subtly incorporated into the scene.

Until Next time?

When do you draw the line between something that matters in your mind but in reality, is none of your business at this point? If you decide to draw the line, where is it? What portions of your internal monologue get repeated and what portions do you continue to keep…

An Overcrowded Train Adventure

I take the train because I hate traffic more than I dislike the people on the train. I can usually turn up my music and block out everyone else. I know others, mainly a coworker with similar life experiences to mine, who are completely the opposite. But anyway, here I…

A person standing at the edge of a forest holding a blank canvas and paintbrush, symbolizing a new beginning. The path behind them is marked with small symbolic images of battles won and fears overcome, representing their journey. In the background, medicine bottles are fading away into the trees, symbolizing the decision to stop medication. The scene is warm and introspective, with calming colors and a hopeful atmosphere.

Rediscovering Myself

When you start doubting yourself, remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome. – Unknown When I first started this reconstruction journey, I was hesitant to try medication for a couple of reasons. First,…

Navigating Chaos

So I actually have stuff that I would like to write about and I want to do so mainly to get them the heck out of my head. But… I cannot. So I must find something else to write about. I need to find some other topic that would not…

A man sitting on a diving board, looking thoughtful as he reflects on his past. In the background, a beautiful Southern California sunset over a serene pool. Surrounding the scene are subtle images representing his American Dream: a happy family with children, a cozy home with a small patch of land, and a loyal dog. Overlaying these are fragmented images of a broken heart, a sold house sign, and a new truck. The overall mood is one of reflection and hope for the future.

The American Dream: An Evolving Journey

Many years ago, on a random weekend during my time in California, I found myself sitting on the diving board of a Southern California residence, engaged in a beer-induced conversation with a gentleman I consider my brother. Although I can’t recall the entirety of our discussion or how we landed…

An abstract image representing overcoming trauma and finding new beginnings. The image features fragmented, dark shapes transitioning into bright, colorful forms. In the center, a figure is embracing a child, symbolizing comfort and protection. Surrounding them are symbols of growth and renewal, like flowers and a rising sun, blending into the background. In the background, there is a subtle depiction of a car accident with a tow truck and a new truck parked nearby, symbolizing the transition from the old to the new. The overall mood is a journey from darkness to light, highlighting resilience and hope.

A Turn of Events

A little more than a week ago, an ambulance backed into my car, causing the airbags to deploy. I had my kids in the car, and while the damage wasn’t severe, the airbag deployment led to the car being totaled. Before I get to the positive aspects, there is some…

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