Introduction
In March 2003, at the age of 20, I was deployed on the USS Nimitz as part of Operation Iraqi Freedom with VAW-117. These reflections capture my experiences, thoughts, and emotions during that time and the period following my return to California in November 2003. They are a blend of youthful impulsiveness, frustration, and moments of introspection. Life aboard a Navy ship is challenging, filled with highs and lows, and these entries provide a glimpse into that world. I cringe at some of the things I wrote about, and I do remember what they are nearly all referring to. Looking back at many of the situations, I was wrong. But. Its an honest look at me before I caught on to how the Navy wanted me to be. I haven’t really edited any of this other than some spelling or grammar errors. Don’t judge me to bad.
July 12, 2003 – Smack Dab in the Middle of the Persian Gulf, Temp 110 Degrees
Today was fun. On this boat, they have no sick call on Sundays. So, if you’re sick, you’re out of luck. Well, I was quite sick—puking and pooping for the last two days. I went to medical anyway, just to have a first class call me a liar and send me back to work. Several hours later, I puked in the middle of a passageway. One-way trip back to medical. 102-degree temp and dehydrated enough for three IV bags. The good news? I spent three hours with a very hot corpsman. Now I’m in my rack taking drugs that aren’t helping and running to the bathroom every ten minutes. I’m going to try and sleep now. Goodnight.
July 13, 2003 – Still in the Gulf and Still Sick
I went back to medical again. Had to throw up on the corpsman before he’d let me see the flight surgeon. Saw the flight surgeon. This time my temp was 104.1. They finally believe the medicine they gave me doesn’t work. After another IV and some medicine that works, I get to spend the day in my rack again. Good news? They gave me stuff that’ll knock me out cold in no time. What am I sick with? Some funny word stuff, but it’s been nicknamed the gerbil alley disease. I hate Jebel Ali.
July 14, 2003 – Where Else?
Screw medical. They are no help. I’m taking more knock-me-out drugs and sleeping on the floor in my shop since they won’t give me SIQ again. I guess a 101-degree temp isn’t sick to them.
July 15, 2003 – A Very Hot Place
Three years! Hell yeah!
July 23, 2003 – Um…
Electricity is bad. I shocked the living daylights out of myself today. It knocked me on my ass and sent me to medical for an EKG. My first EKG ever. But I’m fine. Don’t worry.
August 8, 2003 – Somewhere in the Middle East South of the Arabian Sea
Today was quite interesting. I was manning the spare aircraft all day, which means I got to take a nap. When I went up on top of the plane to do my preflight checks, I nearly slipped off. Luckily, I caught my arm on the pylon on my way down, resulting in a solid, painful bruise on my left arm. The sea state is 8 to 10 feet, which makes the carrier rock and roll. Our airplane’s air conditioning system cools our electronics enough to cool three normal-sized houses to 40 degrees, leaving plenty of condensation on the aircraft. Now, if they’d just lift the river city restrictions, I could send emails in response to the nasty grams I’m getting. I CAN’T send outgoing email. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU!
August 21, 2003 – Straits of Oman
Threatening to remove a crow from someone’s arm serves no purpose other than to piss off that person. Even more so if that person did nothing wrong.
August 28, 2003 – Horn of Africa (Off the Coast of Somalia)
Mark, Randy, and Travis—BLINK-182 in concert live onboard the USS Nimitz. Awesome show. Awesome songs. Heard some songs off their next CD. They sound great. “I fought terrorism, and all I got was this stupid pick.” That’s really the only souvenir I got from them.
September 5, 2003 – In Transit
It gets real boring here when you’re not flying. Really, really boring.
September 17, 2003 – Singapore
I can’t figure out the appeal of this country. Other than Hooters, I found nothing new. It’s America with a different name. It’s even got a Chinatown. I just want to go home already.
September 19, 2003 – Near Singapore
Why does everyone still rely on me? I’m stupid and don’t know anything, right? You tell me that all the time. Oh, wait, I’m only an idiot when it’s convenient for you. Now I know why I was tempted to sell my soul to your devil.
September 20, 2003 – Operation POTUS 2 Pending
If you threaten and provoke for two days, expect a repercussion. Simple as that. Lesson 1: Push me, I push you. Lesson 2: You will lose. Lesson 3: Don’t be so stupid next time. You got off easy because the rest of our shop prevented me from hurting you. “Personality is born out of pain. It is the fire shut up in the flint.” – J.B. Yeats
September 21, 2003 – Doing Circles… Very Large Circles
It’s amazing that I know what I’m doing. It took me ten minutes to find a bolt that others spent 18 hours searching for. It also took me an hour to do what took them four hours. Amazing. FM: “The course of true love never did run smooth.”
September 28, 2003 – Still Doing Nothing Important
Almost a month left of the cruise. It’s great. I can’t wait to be home to hold my family again. Most importantly, I need to find my motivation again. It seems to keep going UA (aka AWOL). People keep aiding its escape. Bastards.
September 30, 2003 – Close Enough to See Land but Too Far to Swim
Thirty-six days left, and I still haven’t found my motivation. Have you seen it? Rumor has it we’re going to Hong Kong. I could care less. I just want to go home. I’m perpetually tired and in pain. Home is all I want. Don’t get me wrong, I love this, but my body needs rest.
October 6, 2003 – Headed for Singapore Yet Again
November 5, less than a month. THANK GOD. To reenlist or not to reenlist? That is the question. Oh boy! Singapore again. Looking forward to drinking since it’s not an exciting place.
October 16, 2003 – Homeward Bound… Finally
I’ve never been so undecided in my life. I have a lot to figure out in the next six months. My brain hurts. People seem to have an anti-American attitude. My response: Don’t get mad if we feel the same about you. Sometimes things are as simple as they seem. My mother misses me. She emailed me today, saying, “HOOOORAAAH!” and that even if I was on a red-eye flight, she’d be at the airport.
October 17, 2003 – AHHHHHHHH
Who wants a beer? Come on. Who wants one?
October 20, 2003 – Leadership 101
Never say “I give up” or “I don’t care anymore” to the people who work for you. Are we there yet?
October 21, 2003 – Sick Again
I really hate being sick. It sucks.
October 23, 2003 – 1,235 Miles Away from Hawaii
Just read the distance, and you’ll understand. I’m now officially a Tiger Your Guide for “Operation Tiger Cruise.” I have no Tiger coming out since I was supposed to be early det when the tiger cruise was planned. Oh well.
October 24, 2003 – I Hate This Squadron
Don’t you love it when someone screws your career and starts giving credit for your work to others? This squadron would have been in deep trouble if I hadn’t kept certain things from failing. I hate this.
October 25, 2003 – The Beginning of Groundhog Day… Great
You and the Navy… Full speed ahead. Full speed ahead, my left butt cheek. The only way you get ahead in this squadron is by being a mech or sucking up to everyone in your chain of command. When I don’t make second, I’ll go to my rack and stay there until the ship docks in San Diego. I won’t come out for anything. Nothing. The next entry I’ll make will either be the results of my second-class test or when I hit San Diego. Whichever comes first.
October 29, 2003 – Hawaii, Almost Home
If you’re ever in Hawaii, check out the Arizona, Mighty Mo, and the North Shore. Don’t go bar crawling. It’s fun, but you’ll hate yourself in the morning.
November 3, 2003 – Why Must Time Go by So Slow?
I just want to be home already. Someone, please make my back stop hurting.
November 4, 2003 – Less Than 12 Hours…
Stupid people and stupid things. Even stupid ideas. Why does everything in this command seem to return to these stupid concepts? Pack up and offload are necessary evils, although unfun ones. Only this command could screw something this simple up. Why, why, why?
November 6, 2003 – 2 AM… Home Sweet Home
Thanks, Bridget. You being there made my welcome home great.
November 9, 2003 – Welcome Home Party
Too many people. Way too fast.
November 14, 2003 – Road Trip to Cali
Met a very nice waitress at the hotel restaurant. She joined me for dinner and a movie in my room. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.
November 15, 2003 – Road Trip to Cali
Ran into some picketers at a store. I gave them a piece of my mind. At least they CAN go on strike.
November 21, 2003 – I’m an Asshole
Sometimes I can just be an asshole. It’s as simple as that.
November 23, 2003 – Me and My Beer
Beer and Wayne Gretzky. Enough said.
December 2, 2003 – Somewhere Near Hollywood and Vine
RW, Rohr, and I went to a Type O Negative concert in Hollywood. A couple of 40s on the way and some hard stuff when we got there. It was a great concert. Now if only Ozzy would come to town.
December 7, 2003 – Movie Day
Go see “The Last Samurai.” Real good movie.
January 2, 2004 – It’s Been a While!
I don’t remember much of New Year’s, but it was fun. Standing Paul’s watch tonight. Gotta find a way to amuse myself for eight hours in the middle of the night. Joy!
January 16, 2004 – I’m Never Volunteering Again
Every time I volunteer, I get in trouble. Never again.
January 20, 2004 – Say It, Mr. Sinatra
As Mr. Frank Sinatra said, “I did it my way.”
January 29, 2004 – Arrgghh…
From now on, I’m hiring a permanent bouncer when I drink. Nobody under 21 is allowed near me when I’m drinking. And not knowing anything is pissing me off!
January 30, 2004 – Good Dreams
Why is it that good dreams keep you thinking for days, but the more you think about them, the less you remember? It’s annoying. A whole week of misery can be surpassed by doing one thing to make someone else happy.
February 4, 2004 – In Mother Russia You Say…
Привинчьте Жизнь. I’ve read about the tradition-rich history of the United States Navy. Sailors to the end. What happened to that? The Navy seems to have kept the messed-up traditions and discarded the good ones. I’m hoping someone like me will come around and help change it.
February 14, 2004 – In Effect, A Country Girl
In my eyes, nothing is hotter than a blonde-haired, blue-eyed chick driving a truck. The only thing hotter would be if the truck were mine.
February 15, 2004 – My Roommate
I have trouble convincing people how much of a shitbag my roommate is. He doesn’t know how to flush the toilet, wash dishes, or clean. Enough said.
March 1, 2004 – I Am Back, Baby
Hell yeah, baby. I AM BACK. I am FUCKING BACK, baby!
March 3, 2004 – My Roommate Is Still a Shitbag
I spent another Wednesday night cleaning up after him. His idea of cleaning is hiding everything and peeing on the toilet seat. Arrrgghh!
March 6, 2004 – Farewell Paul
Last night was Paul’s “going away” party. The Navy shafted him again. First, they took his Hawaii orders and sent him to VAW-117. Now, he’s going to VAW-113. We feel for you, man. On another note, I recommend the movies “50 First Dates,” “Miracle,” and “Eurotrip.”
March 8, 2004 – Random Subjects
Sometimes you don’t realize what you’ve learned from people until you end up in similar shoes. Pay attention. It’ll amaze you. Air Force One was here the other day. Seeing that big plane lit up on our flight line made me proud to be in the USA.
March 28, 2004 – Key West and Working on My Birthday
Key West was awesome. I wish I worked less and drank more, but it was fun. The downside was working all night on my birthday. I talked to my Jello shot lady last night. Sucks that I wasn’t still in Key West.
April 2, 2004 – Major Updates
Major updates to my site. Check it out. Found a Little Caesars Pizza out here. Man, it’s good.
April 15, 2004 – The Tale of the Golden Boy
Last time I was being groomed as the golden boy, I burned out and messed it up. Now, I’ve been given another chance. This time, nothing will come between me and what I deserve. In other news, my friend Wendy from my last squadron might get orders here. That would be great.
April 23, 2004 – A Reenlistment Story
A pen, seven grand, some lemon cake, and a couple of days off—all that for four more years of my life. KISS MY IRISH ASS!
April 27, 2004 – Today Was a Great Day
I mean it. I got a pimp-ass rental car and plan to buy one soon. My former shitbag roommate got booted out of the Navy. HOORAH!
May 15, 2004 – Next Time the Wall Will Be Your Face
Touch me once, shame on you. Touch me twice, shame on me. Keep pressing your luck, and you’re dead.
July 23, 2004 – Back off the Worst Boat I’ve Ever Been On
No need to elaborate on this topic more than I already have.
August 3, 2004 – Leave Minus 12 Hours
Play the theme from “The Omen” as you read this. Since our squadron returned from the Reagan, life has been miserable. My reputation remained at the command even after three years away. Now, I’m on leave for 22 days, a chance to forget about the pricks here. Keep it up, and we’ll run you out quicker than Karayn. To Cliff: Boy, did you pick the perfect time to leave…
August 31, 2004 – Back from Leave… Wish I Wasn’t
It’s amazing how you can have your heart set on something and not break down when it becomes unattainable. I’ve been updating my site, still working on getting all my pictures back up. Let me know if you find any errors.
September 2, 2004 – My Dreams
I used to watch her sleep when I couldn’t. I was her protector, even when I shouldn’t have been. Now, I’m back at square one, happy for her but disappointed I’m not the one.
September 12, 2004 – Last Night
Our new Leading Petty Officer (LPO) hosted a barbecue. Initially, I didn’t like the man, but now I have newfound respect for him, along with a hangover.
September 22, 2004 – Life Sucks, I Say Get Drunk
After numerous beers, I find myself questioning why I stayed in the Navy. Today was a prime example of why “Navy” stands for “Never Again Volunteer Yourself.” The more you follow orders, the more you get screwed. So, why follow orders at all?
Conclusion
These entries capture a transformative period in my life, from deployment in the Persian Gulf to returning home and readjusting to life in California. They reflect the raw emotions, frustrations, and occasional joys of a young sailor navigating the challenges of Navy life and personal growth.
